Jimmy died today, he blew his brains out into the bay

Letterbomb by Green Day is amazing. Well, everything in American Idiot is. The whole album is a masterpiece. 

It's on days like these that I feel like a baked potato. The weather is terrible, ugh. But honestly I'd much rather face the heat than the cold. On hot days you can buy ice-cream, escape to malls and cinemas or turn on the air-con. On cold days there's really nowhere to run to because Singapore just never really prepares for cold days. 

Maybe we can bundle up in sweaters and hoodies or buy hot coffee, but our cold days usually also mean rain, and I hate rain :( Maybe hate is too strong a word; I like rain occasionally, but that's when I'm indoors and I don't intend to go out. If it rains, my mood for the day is usually ruined and I won't feel like doing anything but staying at home to listen to music. 

I just wrote two whole paragraphs about the weather. Oh no I'm becoming boring hahaha. 

I'm quite tired these few days, but it's really no wonder. We've been having lessons from 8am to 5pm the past three days; it's our holiday extra lessons, and the timetable was even worse than what we usually have on normal school days. I don't even end that late on normal school days. 

The guitar concert is this saturday too, so after lessons ended at 5pm, I had to go for guitar rehearsals till about 8-ish, and by the time I reached home it'd be about 10pm, and I'd be much too tired to do any of my pile of homework. It's not just normal homework either; the teachers have been dunking everything on us in preparation for SAs and there was really no time to do anything at all. 

So yeah, I'm so relieved Term 2 is finally over and the june holidays are here. While I was having tuition just now, my tutor was telling me how fast JC life is going to pass; it's already been half a year since I entered JC, and soon june, july and august will flash by, and I'll be busy preparing for my October promo exams, then after our two-month end-year break, it'll be a whole new year again. 

It's so scary how everything is coming towards me at full speed. Can I just stay sixteen forever? :'(

Anyway, random funny incident that happened yesterday. We were in the guitar room and they handed out gowns for the girls and blazers for the guys that we have to wear on saturday. 

I went to the toilet to try on my gown and I had a really hard time putting it on, I was sooo pissed at the gown because I was trying my best to keep it above the dirty toilet floor and I had no idea whether to step into it or pull it above my head. I also couldn't squeeze into it so I spent about ten minutes in the cubicle trying to figure out how to put it on. 

In the end Maria came in to help me and, guess what, I didn't unzip the gown entirely hahaha seriously, silly me. 

BYE

~

Leader Of The Band

An only child, alone and wild
A cabinet maker's son
His hands were meant for different work
And his heart was known to none

He left his home and went his lone and solitary way
And he gave to me a gift I know I never can repay

A quiet man of music, denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once
But his music wouldn't wait
He earned his love through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through my instrument
And his song is in my soul
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band

My brother's lives were different
For they heard another call
One went to Chicago, and another to St. Paul
And I'm in Colorado
When I'm not in some hotel
Living out this life I've chose
And come to know so well

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through my instrument
And his song is in my soul
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band

I thank you for the music
And your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go
I thank you for the kindness
And the times when you got tough
And, papa, I don't think I said
'I love you' near enough

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through my instrument
And his song is in my soul
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band

I am a living legacy
To the leader of the band

~

I kind of grew up listening to this song, I've known it since I was about ten or eleven and I knew all the words but I didn't really understand it until I was older. See what I love about old songs are the lyrics, they're just so deep, when you read them it feels like poetry.

Today was a pretty monotonous day. The highlight of my day was buying a guitar capo, I think that proves a lot.

I realise I didn't blog about my trip to Batam with 12S16. It was pretty fun overall, and the trip to the Al Jabar Orphanage was meaningful in a lot of subtle ways.

I actually think I learnt the most from the fifteen-minute bus ride there. In a bus around a foreign place, you can really tell a lot of things. Everything around you is a story.

I remember seeing a lot of graffiti around. The roads were narrow, so a family of three on a motorbike had to turn into the main street dangerously close to our bus. Their little girl had dust on her face and was in pajamas. Most of the people there are either really thin, or pot-bellied from alcohol.

But overall it was fine, the air smelt okay most of the time and the streets weren't as dirty as I expected. The kids in the orphanage were all really different. Some of the kids just refused to cooperate. I remember one little boy of about four or five who tried to spit on a girl's drawing while I was right there next to them.

I kind of expected the little girl (who was definitely older than him, she was about seven) to retalliate or at least say something, but she just sat there quietly and looked back at him while he used his hands and feet to smudge her drawing.

And it definitely wasn't pure playfulness coming from the boy. He would stare at her while he destroyed her drawing deliberately, like he was trying to challenge her or provoke a reaction out of her. I intervened and gently took the girl's drawing away from his reach, and he actually raised his hand in the manner a parent would do to a child, like he was threatening to hit me.

It was definitely scary, not because of his 'threat', but because it was coming from a kid that young. God knows who might have influenced him that much, and that negatively. In all honesty, I feel really sorry for him.

But it was really touching how some of the other children in the orphanage behaved. The older kids helped to watch out for the younger ones. Some of the younger kids came in late, looking lost, and an older one would stand up and lead the kid to a spot beside him or her.

While playing games, the older children also gave way to the younger children to let them win. It was extremely sweet :)

I would have loved to talk to the kids more but it was the language barrier that prevented us from bonding with the kids :( Still, I think I learnt quite a bit from those two days in Batam. It was definitely something different.

Not gonna lie though, I felt relieved coming back to Singapore because I missed the good life here. After getting down from the ferry some of us went to VivoCity for dinner and I felt happy seeing all the familiar clothes brands in Vivo- F21, Zara, River Island, Warehouse and all that.

Sometimes when I go overseas I can't help but wonder how my life would be different; how it would have turned out had I been born elsewhere. What if that little house on the corner of that street in Batam was mine? What if that girl in school uniform over there on the subway in Taiwan was me?

Yeahh, #justsaying

BYE

~

Sorry honey but I'm passing up; now look this way

Starbucks on a hot day :)

Y'know, I'm actually starting to feel the pressure set in for my SAs. For CAs it didn't feel so bad because it was only a few chapters for each subject but now I'm so lost in every subject. In class I just can't seem to focus, I'm lagging behind in homework and I just feel so tired everyday.

The worst part of school is not PE lessons now (did I mention I got a Gold for my NAPFA test? I'm so proud of myself! The last time I got a Gold was like in primary school!) it is in fact Math lectures. During past Math lectures I would dream about taking my bright yellow math book and flinging it far far away from me... (and I'd probably whack someone right in the head during the process, given my terrible aiming)

Now, I've surrendered to the fact that I'll probably never understand a single thing in math lectures. I simply sit there and copy everything our lecturer writes down on her smartscreen. It makes me a much happier person, and also helps preserve my brain cells.

And, the weather's not helping either. It's the middle of May and the summertime of all summertimes in sunny little Singapore. When I'm outside, I sometimes wonder if I have higher odds of melting into a puddle or evaporating into thin air. Yes, it's that bad. Screw the weather :(

I know I moan about this in almost every post but seriously I miss secondary school!! I miss everything being so simple and everyone being much less judgemental and learning being much more fun. I miss my sec4 class too. I miss little Lifang who'd always be there for me! I still call her once in a while and we chat for close to an hour every time though we can never find time to meet up :'(

I also miss Yueyao! Thanks to her, I never really had a bad day in upper sec. I don't think I'll ever find someone as funny as her; sometimes I feel like all I ever do with her is laugh!

Ok enough with the sad stuff haha. Batam OCIP trip with #12S16 is tomorrow :) We've been doing a lot of preparation for the trip because we'll be visiting an orphanage. Today me and the sexy bitches Huiyi and Divika stayed back in class to wrap goodie bags for the 45 kids we'll be meeting. And btw I'm not kidding, our whatsapp group name is really the Sexy Bitches.

It was so fun haha we played music and worked like a factory. We started off dumping all the goodies from their respective packets onto a row of tables, and then picking them out into 45 bags from there. It was crazy when we first opened up everything; the tables were just covered in all sorts of candy *__*

Huiyi and I also planned to go to Temasek Poly after we were done because there was some sort of fair there and her friends were there, but sadly we were too late, the whole thing closed at 5 :( So when we were done I lugged a humongous bag of some of the goodie bags home while Huiyi took home two bags, poorthing!

We were really lucky Wenfu came up to the classroom to say hi while we were packing up and we got him to take one bag home haha, otherwise I would've been lugging two big bags of goodie bags home and idk how I would've managed because one was really bad enough :/

Before that, while we were in class doing the goodie bags I looked out the window and saw him downstairs so I popped my head out and yelled 'WENFU!' before ducking behind the window. It felt so nostalgic for a second because I used to do that all the time in AHS ahaha (ok I need to stop linking everything back to sec school)

So yes, I got stared at all the way from the time I left the classroom to at the bus stop to on the bus to walking home because the bag full of goodie bags I was carrying was simply huge haha.

Not to mention the weather made me want to kill a chicken. All the way home, I felt like I had so much in common with an ice cube in an oven. It's so hot, there's actually a haze hovering outside in the distance when I look out my window sigh.

On a more serious note, I'm sure everyone who's Singaporean has read about (or at least heard about) the major accident involving a speeding Ferrari at midnight and two innocent people in a cab.

Scary how life just gets taken away like that. One second you're here and the next second you're not. I bet the poor Japanese girl in the back of the taxi didn't even see what was coming.

Lesson learnt: Life is short guys. Live to the fullest, be happy and make the best out of everything.

Have a great weekend everyone! I'm sure I'll have lots of fun with 12S16 in Batam :)

BYE

~

The lovers cried and the poets dreamed

My dad always tells this same old joke of when he and his university friends were out together for a steak one day at a restaurant, back in their days. The waiter asked how they'd like their steak, and everyone said 'medium' until they got to one guy who suaku-ly announced 'large'. I laugh everytime he tells the joke. Honestly, it never gets old.

Today was a pretty boring day, I was supposed to meet Jiams, Et and Dt for basketball, but at the last minute I remembered I had tuition, damnit :( Was looking forward to finally playing again after so long. So we postponed to next week, but during tuition while I was zoning out again I remembered Batam OCIP is next week.

I can't wait for Batam :) It's going to be my very first overseas trip with my school! I never got the chance back in RSS, and in AHS sec2 we were supposed to have a China trip but it was cancelled because of their H1N1 outbreak D: Batam's not much, I know, and it's only 2D1N, but hey, better than nothing. We'll be going to visit an orphanage, and I hope I don't cry there haha.

Well I probably won't, unless someone starts first. Crying has always been infectious to me, I don't know why. Also, I've been listening to The Jonas Brothers a lot this weekend. I realise I still like them; yes their songs are very repetitive and there's kinda nothing special about them, but some of their songs are still good, like Australia (It's been my favourite JoBros song since I was 12 and it still is), Lovebug, Tonight, Goodnight and Goodbye.

JoBros remind me of my sec1 class so much, how I miss all of us, so young and childish. I honestly can't believe four years has gone by. Like really, four years. Where did all of that time go? Feels like just yesterday when I was sitting on a desk next to the window of a classroom on the fourth floor, singing Rihanna with Dionne and Yiping after class.

~

I miss you.

Morning everyone! I feel sad that I've kinda lost the motivation to blog. I mean, I've had this blog since I was 13 and there's really so many memories I've all just written down here. I would never close my blog, but then I just don't have the urge to blog anymore haha I really don't know why.

In the past I would get home from school and the first thing I would do was to go online and blog all about my day, like what fun things me and my friends got up to in various lessons. Then I'd blog about my after-school outings with classmates, and when I got bored on the weekends I'd just blog as well. 

Well, back then, I actually felt like I had a life I guess. I miss those carefree lower sec days so much :'( Nowadays school takes up most of the day. The only times when I actually feel like I have a life is probably when I go out after sundown on wednesdays to meet Jiams at kembangan, and we just walk around watching people play basketball, or lie on the open ground admiring stars.

Even when I go to town I feel like I can't really enjoy myself; I randomly wonder if there's any undone homework lolol #nerd And anyways, I feel like going to town is getting boring. All the clothes don't really appeal to me, and I feel like it's a waste of time, so I guess now I'm just going to head to town only when I want to buy an album or visit peninsula for band merch.

Last but not least, I know this is really random, but I want to do a bucket list. Don't worry guys, I'm definitely not suicidal or anything like that, I just feel like writing one and there's really no harm in doing it so why not make one?

1. Watch you me at six perform Crash live
2. Go to Belleville, New Jersey, USA
3. Do a Free Hugs Day
4. Visit an african savannah
5. Keep a pet pig
6. See a real farm

I know the list is really short haha but I'll keep adding things when I think of them.

And this is excluding everything I want to do that's related to music, like go to a hundred concerts, hug Gerard Way, watch I.aM.mE live and all that, as well as travel to various parts of the world because I assume that's what everyone wants to do before they depart the world, right?

And I think most teenagers would say they'd want to get wasted, try cocaine, get arrested or some other crazy thing like that, but I don't think I'd want to do any of that. Yeah I know, what a hardcore teenager I am.

Right, so there's that. I'm going to do my homework, there's a ton of it this long weekend. :(

Smile everyone.  -hugs-

BYE

~