A diamond bullet and a gun made of gold

Currently feeling like shit because my music app decided to go haywire and casually delete all 300 of my freaking songs and now I only have my music library, which contains all of A Skylit Drive's songs (thank god, at least I can still listen to one favourite band), some The Cab (blah I kinda grew out of them), like four Pierce The Veil songs, some You Me At Six, All Time Low's Straight To DVD and a few onesies.

Damnit shit my life why?!?! I didn't even do anything to the app, I just opened it wanting to listen to some good music and all of it is just gone. Gone. Just like that. I could cryyyy :'(

My music library is not even in that good quality, especially the A Skylit Drive songs. Ahhhhhhh freakkkk why does this always happen to me.

And all my MCR songs omg. There were 28 of them in that music app. Unfghhhhhh

Wanted to blog, but. No mood now

~

Failing lights amass one hundred sleepless nights

Retail therapy with my girls Lum and Shijia today was great :)

I did a pretty exact calculation, and... $39.80. That's how much it takes for the materialistic side of me to be happy haha

I bought:

1. A skirt. Really love it plus it was only ten bucks! Haha. Now I can buy more band tees and look less guyish if I wear them with my skirt :)

2. A grungy skull top that I kinda regret buying because I forgot how anorexic I look when I wear tops like that. It shows my pale, way-too-thin arms and makes me look unhealthy :( But I assure you I am in the pink of health and I love food very much, most of my friends would know that

3. Black nail polish!! I tested a few different colours from Sephora on my fingernails haha did I mention it's my first time applying nail polish to my fingernails?

And they look so pretty gah now I understand why girls love nail polish so much haha I used to think it was just something vain.

Hopefully nail polish will stop me from wanting to peel off my nails and then they can grow and be long again! I don't even remember when was the last time I even cut my nails because I peel them so fast, they wear down much faster than if I used nail clippers.

I know, terrible :( I think the physical feature I dislike the most about myself is my nails.

4. A tiramisu stick that I also regret buying cause it tasted weird to me.

5. Ovaltines! My childhood favourite! I just kept eating one after the after haha me and Lum agreed that I looked like a neurotic kid who can't stop eating a particular sweet haha just like how Mike Fuentes is seen eating Nerds in every interview, how cute!

6. Dinnerrrr. Mixed rice from the kopitiam downstairs :) cauliflower, pork chop, steamed egg. Eating it right now.

Today was a good day :) plus I managed to finish about half of my GP homework before I went to meet the girls.

I honestly can't wait for the christmas concert to be over! I feel like guitar is taking too much of my time. Oh and speaking of guitar, I lost my very last guitar pick asdfghjkl now I'm only left with my very special Dropbeat Heartbeat one and there's no way I'm using that to play.

BYE

~

And all that glitters is gold

Somebody once asked, could I spare some change for gas
I need to get myself away from this place
I said yep, what a concept
I could use a little fuel myself, and we could all use a little change.

1. Got mail from MOE yesterday and it turned out to be a cert congratulating me for getting top 25% in my cohort terms of academic performance and good conduct aww. I know it doesn't sound like much, after all it is TPJ haha but it did make my day, plus my parents gave me $100 for that omggg haha.

My mom walked in with a $50 bill saying "Here's my reward" and I was all shocked and said 'thanks!' and while I was still happily staring at the note she walked in again awhile later with another $50 saying "And this is your dad's reward." and I was just stunned.

Haha anyway I saved one bill. Probably gonna spend the other on food or something. Or black nail polish. Recently I really want that because it'll help me stop peeling off my nails as well.

2. Had mac's with Xuemin this morning for breakfast, but we were both 15min late and didn't want to be late for guitar so we were rushing all the way haha it was kinda funny

3. During guitar, our alumnus conductor announced a break, but said "Before that, I want you all to do finger push-ups." and she literally made five of us line up on the wall side by side and push ourselves up with the tips of our five fingers, one hand at a time, like if we were doing real push-ups, but instead on the wall.

Somehow, I found it drop-dead funny and I laughed so hard I couldn't do a single one. It wasn't just a normal 'ohmygod this is so funny' kind of laugh. I laughed till my abs hurt and my voice was hoarse and my eyes welled up with tears, that's how bad it was

I don't even know what's so funny hahahahaha I just. I was thinking of really random things like a mental image of all five of us lined-up, doing finger push-ups on a wall, and some of those one-liners like "What am I doing with my life" and all that.

I didn't mean to offend the conductor at all but I think she was haha I don't blame her, I would be if I were her. She said "It's not funny. I only see Carolyn doing it" and she actually pushed me to get me to do the exercise and that just made me laugh harder hahaha goshhhh why am I like that.

I'm even doing my best not to laugh out loud as I type this now. Yes I have a weird sense of humour hahahaha

4. After guitar Xm, Yiying and I played basketball, but sadly we only got to play for like 15min because we got chased away, re-painting works were in progress.

5. Had lunch with Yiying at the foodcourt upstairs and then somehow we ended up doing math there together. Nearly finished a whole paper, not bad

6. Vic from Pierce The Veil once said in an interview that he likes to take walks alone and generally likes being alone, and it's just ahhhh my soulmate :')

I can understand why people don't like to eat alone I guess, but I don't know why people don't like to study alone, take walks alone or shop alone. I love doing all of that alone haha

7. Tis the season to get piercings, fa la la la la la la la la!

Every year during the end-of-year break I tell myself that, but this year nahh. I think for now I'm content with my three piercings. I actually would love more but the thought of the pain and the possibility of shattering my cartilage just scares me, so.

Anyway Christmas is comingggg!!!!! It's my favourite festive season of the year, hands-down. All the lights and christmas trees and teddy bears and chocolate and wrapping paper and just evverything about christmas makes me happy.

8. Anyway I was heading to Popular at Eastpoint to buy a file just now, and it just felt really nice to walk up the slope and see all the christmas lights up, and the warm lighting and wooden furnishings from the glass walls of Starbucks, and to hear the same old busker who always sings the same old songs but sometimes makes my day when I'm on my way home feeling worn out and he's singing a Beatles song, or Leader Of The Band or Vincent.

And it honestly hit me because I realise I really don't want Eastpoint to undergo construction and become a loud, closed-off mess, and for all the shops to get completely revamped, and for me to one day wake up to a whole new place that doesn't feel like home because it's lost its serenity.

With the new shops and the new things will come new shoppers and more people, and Simei will no longer be as peaceful and lovely as it is to me right now. I'll feel more uncomfortable going downstairs in my sleepclothes, and the Starbucks will be even more packed than before, and I'll have to find another place to study at.

What if it becomes like Tampines? Nooo I don't want that to happen :'(

~

Memories that came and went, in light of all the time we spent

JANUARY.

January was a rough month, when I got back my 'O' level results. I cried really hard and I will always be thankful to Lifang for being there for me that day, she's an amazing friend.

Lynchua and I got the same results, and quite a number of days leading up till the submission of school choices were spent anxiously debating with her over the phone if we should choose poly or JC.

It got so frustrating trying to decide that we both agreed at one point that it would have been much better to score either a really good score or a really bad score, so we wouldn't have to face the dilemma of choosing to go to either one of the worst JCs or a good poly.

In the end she chose poly and I chose JC, and even though we didn't choose the same school as we both hoped, I'm glad because we're both happy with where we are now.

FEBRUARY.

We had an Orientation Group three-day day camp, and I attended on the first day. I felt so depressed looking around at the school that I never thought I'd go to, and annoyed by the fact that everyone (mainly the OGLs) looked like they were having so much fun. I also felt extremely awkward with my OG mates.

The few days after that eventful first day, I didn't turn up for camp. I spent the time at home moping about the house, feeling like crying and wondering how I was going to survive the next two years.

We got our class allocation around the later part of the month, after two weeks of sample lectures with my OG. I was pretty relieved that my new classmates seemed friendly enough.

MARCH.

L, T and I had a sleepover at L's house, which was fun! We really need to have another one again :(

We had a J1 camp to foster class bonding. My class auditioned to perform I'm Yours for Soul Night, and we got through! The camp was fun and memorable :)

I still remember us girls lying in our sleeping bags in the dark talking in whispers so we wouldn't get caught, and when someone unexpectedly came in to check on us we all pretended to be asleep hahahaha. Another memory is our class sitting out on the school field at night, some of us lying on the cool grass. Even Ms Wong said "I'm tired" and lay down next to me and Khaliesah hahaha.

We also woke up at 5am to shower, thinking we were genius, but apparently we weren't the first ones up :/ and then we watched the sunrise.

APRIL.

An old friend that I'd previously lost contact with suddenly contacted me again, and asked if I was interested in joining a band. After results day, I was resolved to turn myself into a muggertoad and not commit to anything outside of studies other than cca (that resolve didn't last very long though), but of course that temptation was too great to resist, and I said ok.

Around mid-April, I went on a study date with Xuemin to tampines library, and the moment I took out my books, I have no idea why but I suddenly felt terrible, and like I didn't know what I was doing with my life. I honestly nearly cried right there and then, I think it was stress or something, but I wanted to quit JC because I couldn't see myself carrying on like that for the next two years. I had no motivation to study at all because I wasn't interested in what I was studying.

I went out of the library and called Lynchua, and told her everything, and how badly I wanted to quit and go to poly. I was completely determined to do so, and asked her about her course's intake and all that, then I went home to talk to my parents about it.

Their reaction was a downright no, and they started telling me about how my ultimate goal is to get into a local uni and all that, and how I'm not cut out for poly, blah blah.

But anyway I stayed obviously, and I think I'm honestly glad they made me stay, because now I realise how I'm really not cut out for poly at all. That doesn't mean I'm not jealous of poly kids though, because they still seem to have so much more free time than we do :(

I think I never blogged about this haha so it may be kinda shocking.

MAY.

The Batam trip! It was... eventful. I honestly did feel glad that I was born in Singapore when I saw how Batam was like.

And I will always remember how me, Huiyi and Khaliesah bunked together, and Khaliesah at night was all like, "LET'S GO PARTYYY! Come on girls let's goooo!"

And me and Huiyi weren't really that keen to go crash the others' rooms because we were tired, but we obliged anyway, and when we looked away from the tv about a minute later at Khaliesah, she was fast asleep on the single bed lololol

JUNE.

Guitar ensemble had a joint concert with chinese orchestra and concert band, and the overall experience was pretty sucky for me because the girls had to wear godawful gowns, and my assigned seat was near the edge of the stage, like I was the last in my row, and everyone could see me.

After that was pretty fun though cause me and Yiying were the first ones to change out of our gowns once our performance was over, and I felt so relieved in my pe t-shirt, skirt and sneakers. And we took a bunch of photos with the classmates who came to support us, aww :')

It was the holiday month, but right after we came back was our SAs, so basically it was more like a study period -__- June was spent trying to strike a balance between catching up with old friends and mugging. I was going out nearly everyday.

On one mugging session with Jiams at the airport, we also happened to see Jay Park and some korean boyband called B1A4. It was my first time seeing sooooo many fangirls in the same area, and the noise level there was just seriously crazy. Me and Jiams left the place slightly traumatised.

The band I joined in April didn't last long, and so I formed another band, this time with schoolmates so it was easier for us to meet up to jam. It was kinda a reckless decision, knowing that promos were near.

SAs also began around late June 😱

JULY.

SAs ended in early July, woohoo~

Jiams and I went to Baybeats, which is definitely something I did not regret at all. The bands were amazing, and the energy was crazy. PLOT! and Cashew Chemists were probably my favourite bands there.

Jiams, Et and I also went to clash of the bands around a week later, and that was where we watched Dropbeat Heartbeat for the first time. They're a really great local pop punk band, and their stage presence was just wow.

A lot of July was also spent jamming with my schoolmates for an audition for Teachers' Day. Thinking back, I must've wasted quite a bit of money on jamming because we didn't make it in the end, but it was still a good experience.

I did audition with another group as well though. We performed Payphone, and got through auditions easily. I remember having mixed feelings about the audition results because my band practiced so hard, but my Payphone group only met up briefly during breaks in school or after school to practice. Oh well

AUGUST.

Because I spent a lot of time jamming in July, I didn't do well for my CAs, and had to mug more than usual to catch up with schoolwork.

We also had plenty of rehearsals in preparation for our Teachers' Day concert performance, and then the real thing came. It was a great experience :)

SEPTEMBER.

Mugging in preparation for promos, which began in late september.

OCTOBER.

Promos ended in early October!!!

I turned seventeen on the 2nd :) I was actually kinda sad about turning seventeen because sixteen sounds nicer, but oh well. I was blessed to have eaten three birthday cakes on that day, and much love to everyone to wished me, wrote cards or letters for me, or gave me a present :)

I realise almost all my presents have something to do with music haha like I got a You Me At Six album from my bandmates, an Avenged Sevenfold t-shirt from melons and two All Time Low posters from Christine awww

October also marked the start of my Pierce The Veil phase. They're definitely one of my favourite bands now.

After promos, I of course went out a lot and shopped a lot. We also got our promo results around mid-October, and then we began OP preparation :O

Eternally grateful for a teacher like Ms Wong, she really went out of her way to help us with OP. I hope all the groups in our class score As for pw so we can make her proud :)

NOVEMBER.

OP came and went, and so did I&R. It's hard to believe PW is all over now, but I'm glad of course.

We got our overall results. I just wish Ali and Khaliesah didn't have to leave us sigh.

We got into the morning lectures routine, which just felt weird. I miss tutorials :/ completely lost in lectures.

And now school's out! It's the start of the so-called holidays which are just a cover-up for us J1 kids to mug -shakes head-

~

So yeah, that's it for the recap on the past year. That took wayyy longer than I expected.

Anyway, congrats to all J2s who've finished their 'A's :) You're free to go party and do all sorts of crazy shiat! I'm so envious :(

November is drawing to a close, scary how fast that happened. It still feels like October or something, gosh.

I'll be leaving for Taiwan with my fam on the 11th of December, I'm kinda excited :) we're coming back on the 19th. Try not to miss me alright guys :(

The days before I leave Singapore will prolly be spent trying to finish my crazy pile of homework so I can lax during my Christmas break. Seriously, it's nuts. I thought I could use the break to revise the year's worth of work, but no, of course homework has to ruin my plans :(

Today is such a gloomy day. Nutty weather

BYE

~

Can't promise that things won't be broken, but I swear that I will never leave

1. Met Christine today!! :') She passed me this pick that Matin from Dropbeat Heartbeat gave her omggg. Such a sweet friend <3 everytime I pick up the pick I'm like, MATIN FROM DBHB TOUCHED AND OWNED THIS. Hahaha I should probably put it somewhere safer than in my wallet.

2. Christine was with her project group friends from poly and I felt so intimidated haha I always get this feeling when I meet poly kids, like hmm they're cool and I'm not. I was so painfully awkward hahaha

3. I bought a tall dark mocha which isn't really taking effect right now :( I'm already tired

4. Left the place around 5.30pm and went to meet Dom and we went to Shijia's big bro's birthday chalet! I feel bad haha like we didn't get him anything, but at least we (well mainly Dom) helped to cook the food so.

5. The potato was greaaat! And the lasagne. Regret not eating more haha

6. Oh yes I also brought my acoustic. It was fun playing :)

"You know, I have a friend who's even more hipster than you. He's so hipster, he's gay." quoted from Dominic

/edit
Forgot to post this yesterday haha so ignore the date and time

BYE

~

Hey mister, where have you been?

Two nights ago (or was it three nights ago?) I dreamt that me and another friend went to a restaurant or something like that to see Pierce The Veil live, and three other friends accompanied us. We got there way too early but Vic and Mike were inside sitting at a table having a drink, and they looked out at us and Vic grinned and motioned with his hand like, five of you coming in?

And I shook my head and showed him two fingers, and he waved us in, and I went in and hugged him and Mike!!! But I kinda knew it was a dream, so when I woke up I didn't feel so sad cause I kinda expected it. But still :(

Then last night, I dreamt I went to London and wandered till I reached a little cafe or something like that, and there was the most amazing golden retriever there, like he had floppy ears and brown eyes and he was so cute although he was full-grown already:

But he was being mistreated by the owners at the cafe, so I took him back with me home, and I was so happy until I woke up and realised it was a dream :'(

Really want a dog when I get older! Since my mom doesn't allow pets in the house sigh.

Yesterday was pretty fun. Didn't go for the last day of school cause there was only econs lecture and they were going through the promo paper, but in my defense I did my econs homework at home and I'm nearly done with it yay just left with one essay outline.

Then me, Shijia, Daryl and Jiachen went to Bryan's house, all the way at Tiong Bahru which is super far. His pomeranian is pretty cute but it bites! I don't like dogs that bite :(

And his house is gorgeous damnit I wanna be rich too :(

Spent most of the time there playing Bridge with the guys while Shijia watched kpop music videos. I finally learnt how to play! It's quite fun and simple once you understand. At first I was so confused. I am terrible at card games though. I took a loooong time to get the hang of it.

Then we covered Payphone again which was kinda messy haha but whatever. Like Shijia said, "I'm officially sick of this song." haha

Anyway, going to nice houses always makes me feel like I can't wait till I can get my own house and decorate it!! The size doesn't really matter, but I would keep furniture minimal and everything plain and simple :)

I would also probably tack up a lot of posters on my walls and write a lot of lyrics and put up a lot of my sketches on them.

And if I had the space, I'd also want to have a room purely for recreational purposes, or it could also double up as a study room. Like all my guitars and my piano would be in there, and my laptop and a couch (ooh I want a beanbag).

Haha ok I'm getting carried away.

My next post will most probably be a reflection of the whole year. Oh and I'm not doing dedications because there's only a handful of people I feel like writing to haha and it's only Year 1 and we still have another year ahead of us, so. Next year :)

BYE

~

Nobody prays for the heartless, nobody gives another penny for the selfish

Currently in the train on the way home from a mini shopping trip with Lianne. I bought the pretty bag I mentioned a few times in previous posts! Also saw this blue skirt that I wanted to buy, but well. Next time!

I'm thinking of doing a dedication thing to all my 12S16 classmates haha but that is so old school. Should I? I've been doing it every year I think, since sec1. Or maybe I'll just do it for a bunch of TPJ friends haha.

Today we had physics lecture and econs lecture. Kinda weird how school started at 9am and ended at 11.30am, but anyway I seriously need tutorials because I'm so lost in lectures :( My tutor is having his uni third-year papers now so he's not really free for tuition.

I think I'll spend later listening to my albums and starting on my holiday homework haha

Tomorrow is the last day of school! After tomorrow we don't have to go to school for about a month and a week. That's an awfully short amount of time to recuperate and mentally prepare ourselves for the next arduous year sigh.

My class only has a two-hour econs lecture tomorrow at 10.30am, and then we're free yay. Going to Bryan's house with the others to sing songs yay :)

For tomorrow I was initially supposed to go to SP with Jiams to catch Dropbeat Heartbeat at their finals of Thunder Bandslam, but we're both kinda lazy now and I forgot about going to Bryan's house, so it's cancelled :/

They probably won't see this, but good luck DBHB! You're my favourite local band!

Ok back to listening to music.

BYE

~

And the experts say I'm delirious

10.50pm on a tuesday night and I am sitting here drying my hair and listening to All Time Low.

Anyway, I'm so fed up with math gosh why do we even have to learn math? I don't even see how it comes in handy. At least I see the sense in econs and chem and physics and GP and you can relate these things to real-life situations, but... math?

Most of my time in math lectures is spent gazing at OBS wondering how anyone can be so good at math haha. It fascinates me.

I feel so darn overwhelmed when I think about the crazy amount of holiday homework we have. There's like 5 math papers, 8 whole chem practice questions, two chem tutorials and a lot of econs questions, essays too.

And holiday starts on the 24th of November and minus my week in Taiwan, I have like less than four weeks. That's also including christmas season, and I most definitely need a christmas break as well. Gosh this is depressing :(

Anyway, on a completely random note, I'm proud of the fact that I've stopped swearing! Like I remember I used to swear quite a bit in lower sec, gahhh how embarrassing. It wasn't even like I thought it was cool or anything like that, it would just slip out when I was angry or upset.

But I'm able to... for lack of a better word, maintain much better now! Yay me

Don't get me wrong though, I have nothing against people who swear. My bands swear all the time haha. It's just I don't like to swear.

Alright hair's dry, off to bed

BYE

~

Lay me down, tell me everything will be alright, things'll be alright

Let Love Bleed Red by Sleeping With Sirens is such a lovely song.

Anyway, NUMBER TWO OF CONVENTIONAL WEAPONS IS OUT OH MY GAHHHH. I listened to AMBULANCE and Gun. yesterday night. I was about to go to bed when I saw a tweet from a fellow MCR fan fangirling over the new songs, and I was like OMG IT'S OUT and I literally lunged for my earphones.

:')

The songs are great, but personally I feel like Conventional Weapons is too much of an alternative rock album for me. I like alternative rock, but it's just not really what I kinda expected from MCR when they said it would be a fusion between Three Cheers and Danger Days.

Anyway, under "Genre", according to wiki MCR is post-hardcore, I was pretty shocked when I read that.

Maybe it would explain why I practically fell for post-hardcore music when I first started listening to it. My favourite band for two years is post-hardcore and I didn't even know it.

But then again, everyone knows Wiki is unreliable hahahaha.

I have half an hour before lecture starts. Sitting here listening to my Sleeping With Sirens playlist dang it it's so darn good :')

Well I never thought you'd stay
That's okay
I hope he takes your filthy heart and then he throws you away someday

#ouch

Wanted to blog yesterday about how I feel like maybe, just maybe, writing may not be something I want to do for the rest of my life.

I was thinking about it, and it's like. Sure I love writing, I write lyrics, short stories, I'm always the one who volunteers to type something out or write something, just because I like writing and typing.

But it's a lot more than just that; you need to have content, and the kind of writing I like is fiction. Can I really inagine being behind a desk for the next thirty years?

But I'm terrified to consider the possibility that I may want to do something else with my life, because the truth is I never have. Never. It was always just what I thought I wanted to do.

I have wanted to be anything related to a writer for as long as I can remember. Ever since I was, I think, seven, every year when they asked me to make my birthday wish I wished to be a writer. #confession (oh no now my wish isn't coming true haha ok lame)

BYE

~

Was watching a few HotTopic videos, all clips from interviews with various band members who were asked, "What's the worst trouble you got into at school?"

And I laughed sooooo hard at so many of those clips HAHAHAHA

This guy from a band called Weekend said, "When we had substitute teachers I always pretended I couldn't read, and all the other kids who laugh because they knew what I was doing, and the teacher would be like, "He's trying so hard, stop laughing!""

Another was Austin Carlile from Of Mice & Men talking about when he once choked on gum and was trying to get help and the teacher thought he was fooling around and yelled, "AUSTIN, THAT'S A MARK!"

And of course, my personal favourite is this one from Phil, Of Mice & Men.

"I was sitting there with a pair of scissors, next to an outlet, and I blew the socket in the lab station. And so when mine sparked and blew out, every single other outlet on every single other table shot out too, and the power in the class went out. And I thought, I'm. Fucked."

Hahhahahahahahah

http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=relmfu&v=R6Dukqv1XtM

Link's here, for anyone who's interested. The clip from Weekend isn't in there though, it's in Part 2 or something like that.

Anyway I'm going to play the piano now cause I haven't touched it in soooo long

BYE

~

Living Louder

If today's the day I die
Lay me down under the lights
Let me fall in love
Let me say the lines
Let me lose my voice
Singing all my favourite songs
Let me stare about the stars
Cause it's where we all belong

My heart like a fire, working my chest
My only regret is having regrets
Travelled the world, I loved every step
And all I know is no one, no one lives forever
We will be remembered for what we do right now

And baby I'm living louder, dreaming longer tonight
And baby I'm fighting harder, loving stronger tonight
Cause we're all just kids who grew up way too fast
Yeah the good die young, but the great will always last
We're growing older, but we're all soldiers tonight


Love this song, never gets old.

Here's a bunch of Tony Perry pictures because he's just so adorable and every time he smiles my heart rate accelerates, not kidding. What a gorgeous smile :') And I can't stand the fact that he has so many fangirls UGH HE'S MINE >:(

Was watching another Pierce The Veil video yesterday filmed by Elmakias, and omg Tony was soooo cute in it. Elmakias said "TONY" at the dinner table and Tony looked up lazily and said "Evening ma'am" and I just about died.

Hahaha ok this is probably one of those posts I will see in my archives a couple of years down the road when I'm feeling bored and cringe at. Like when I was going through my Mikey Way fangirl phase oh ew that was weirddd.

But for now, Tony Perry is my future husband alright.

BYE

~

And how not to look back even if no one believes us

Currently sitting in starbucks with an ice-blended mocha. I'm a really boring person, everytime I go to have ice-cream I choose cookies 'n' cream or some chocolate-related flavour, and everytime I go to starbucks I get a mocha haha.

I wish simei had a Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf :(

I wanna get the pretty red bag I saw on thursdayyy. Should I go get it later? Gahhh.

Anyway, guess what I'm doing at starbucks? I'm mugging! Haha. #loserforlife

I have a ton of holiday homework that I wanna complete asap, since I'm flying off to taiwan with my fam on 11th Dec and anyway, no harm getting it done as soon as I can right?

There are a couple of seniors at Starbucks too studying for their 'A's, we're kinda acquainted like we recognise and know each other's names but we don't say hi. Hope they don't judge me for mugging now! Heh

Anyway, just thought of a random convo I had with my dearest Xuemin yesterday. I was telling her about this mini test we had on wednesday where me and 3 other guitarists were forced to play a piece in front of the whole ensemble, like literally forced.

I shook my head and kept saying "NO" when our conductor Chris picked me to go up and he kept saying, "Come on it's ok, you'll do fine!" and inside I was like God I'm not worried about passing or failing the test, I just don't want to frigging play can you all not force me?

I told Xm that and we were joking about things I should've said, and she said "You should have held on to your chair and said, "NO NO don't force me!""

And I laughed so hard omg hahahahahaha ok it doesn't sound that funny but I swear it was!

I'm so glad Xm's in the same school and cca as me because I don't know what I'd do without her in guitar with me and she's just sooooo funny. We laugh at the lamest things together and everyone else just thinks we're weird lolol. She's probably one of the funniest people I know, although no one tops Yueyao haha (speaking of her gosh I miss her)

Anyway back to mugging yay. Thinking of heading to Bugis later on my own for my bag, but it's a Saturday and I bet Bugis Street will be packed to the brim with the sec4 and maybe P6 kids who've just finished their 'O' levels and PSLE. Hmmm.

BYE

~

We were young and we were blind, we ignored the warning signs

1. One of my greatest dreams is to travel to Europe. I don't mind either backpacking or going on a proper holiday, in fact I think I would prefer backpacking. Just as long as it's not with a tour group.

I just can't wait till after 'A's and I can grab a few friends and go together :) I don't know who would want to go with me though, since it isn't exactly cheap and I'm terrible at directions. We might wind up totally lost haha.

2. We were having some kind of career talk in the morning and it was so boring I resorted to taking out my earphones. #collidewiththesky <3

Then out of the blue, just as we were ending the talk I had a really bad stomachache and I literally ran to the toilet from the audi lolol I was the very first person who exited the audi when we were dismissed!

And when I walked out of the toilet, I saw Ali!!! Now that I think of it, it could've been God's will, knowing that I missed my bestie. I really wanted to hug him but I didn't cause I didn't wanna get judged haha. Told him and he said, "serious? come lah. #yolo" hahaha

Anyway it was good seeing him! Hope he stays on in jc next year plsplspls

3. So lectures have resumed. Well it's good and bad, in a way. Good because since we only have a few lectures every day, we get let off at like 11.30am or 12.30pm. Bad because I don't understand a single thing in lectures damnit they go sooo fast! :(

4. Oh yes I got my overall results back. This is 10% CAs aka Term 1 and Term 3 assessment, 10% PAP (which is something like personal conduct and behaviour, the teachers decide your score), 10% SAs aka midyear exams, 70% promos.

I got BBBBD. The D is for my math. My grades are considered good so yay. I don't know what to do about my math though haha. And I feel like I've forgotten everything I learnt this year already :( I haven't studied anything in wayyy too long.

5. I need coffee soon! :/ Haven't been having any recently. Though I think it's good because I remember one period of time before promos when I got really dependent on coffee to get me through those times, it was a sucky feeling

6. My mom wants me to quit guitar, and honestly I don't know if I want to. Like I don't mind going for practice maybe once a week or something (haha slacker) but too much of guitar is a bad thing since I'm terrible at time management. I'm also really really really bored in guitar because I learn fast thanks to my piano background and I feel like I'm wasting time just sitting there. Prolly gonna go see ms tang soon.

7. I saw a super pretty red bag at Bugis yesterday, should I go get it soon?! It's only 25 and the material looks and feels like it's got quality, I really like it! But my current backpack is still fine so :( #dilemma gahhhh

8. I still want a bass guitar. Sigh.

BYE

~

If you can't hang, then there's the door baby

Saw this tweet recently.

"person: so what do you like to do?
me: listen to music
person: oh that's cool, me too
me: no you don't understand."

And it's like. Story of my life.

I am a talentless Keely Staub.

Anyway, I've been spending a lot of time recently watching band interviews, mainly Pierce The Veil and Sleeping With Sirens. It makes me sooo depressed knowing how cool their lives are and knowing I'll always be stuck here in the other end of the world.

Of course there are perks of being here, but the grass is always greener on the other side. They spend their lives writing music and performing to people who love them and meeting other talented people, and I will probably grow up, get a desk job and spend my saturdays at home in front of the tv.

And also, they are all gorgeous. Tony Perry is gorgeous, Frank Iero is gorgeous, Kellin Quinn is gorgeous, Oli Sykes is gorgeous. Everyone.

And they have moms and families who support them and tell them to do what makes them happy. Rian Dawson's mom's twitter account is 70% tweets about being so proud of her son and the band, and the Fuentes brothers' dad was the one who taught them about music and how to play their instruments.

Why why why is life so unfair :(

~

The chemicals will bring you home again

So today I played basketball with Jiams, Yiying, one of my bandmates and his two friends.

On our way home in the bus one of the guys said my bandmate told him I like screamo (it's actually not called screamo, but nevermind I'll forgive him hahaha) and asked if I scream and inside I was all I WISH :'''(((

Convo was something like this

him: do you scream?
me: nope, I've tried but I just sound like I'm dying.
him: they all sound like that to me.

Hahaha I find that damn funny, idk why. As much as I love post-hardcore, I can't help but laugh sometimes when people make fun of screaming.

Anyway.

I'm currently feeling rather... I don't know what's the word. Just not really on the positive end of the emotional spectrum.

1. I can't figure out the bass tab to a Mayday Parade song that my band will be jamming on monday. I've tried standard tuning, Drop D and Drop C, and nothing seems to work. Nothing.

2. My bestie might not be in the same school as me next year. Maybe he will, maybe not. Nothing's really confirmed yet but I don't think I can persuade him to stay even though I really really think he's more cut out for jc than poly, because he's a stubborn ass. And I'm not gonna lie that a small part of me is just selfish and wants him to stay.

3. Lectures will resume 14th Nov. it'll be back to the same old routine again, oh yay.

4. Ughhhh.

5. I dreamt of one of my old best friends last night that I've totally lost contact with. I dreamt of the good times, which just made it even more heartbreaking when I woke up.

6. Ok this one is less serious. The latest chapter of Band On The Run ended with a cliffhanger. SETH'S COMING BACK OH LORD. But I foresee a lot of drama.

On the bright side, today I watched Step Up on funshion. It's so amazing gosh every other Step Up movie after the first one just pales in comparison to the first one, seriously. They should've just stopped at number one.

The chemistry between Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan is just unbelievable, especially at the end when they did the final dance and it was like... wow.

I love the fact that they're also married in real life :')

Alright gotta charge my phone.

BYE

~

Do you know, I count your heartbeats before you sleep

Pictures from ikea!
They're all jumbled up though

So maybe if we never wake up we can see the sky

OP IS OVERRRRR.

Left with I&R, and I submitted my first draft yesterday at about 11am yayyy.

On wednesday, I was so nervous I thought I was gonna run out! Haha ok a bit of an exaggeration but yeah. It ran pretty smoothly for my group! Q&A was a bit messy but I hope we do well :) Zr said he thought my Q&A answer was the best out of five of us aww.

But personally, I was completely stumped when my question was read out. Like what kind of a question is "What is the most significant aspect of your topic"?!

So when I said "Can you give me a minute?" I wasn't thinking about how to organise my answer, I was just completely panicking inside haha.

After OP was over my group stepped out and we were all like YAYYY haha

And we decided to be naughty and go kachiao the deaf group haha now that I think about it, it was actually pretty mean of us to go disturb them when we knew their OP was the next day, oops

We stepped into B211 with stony faces (I even slammed the door for effect HAHA) and the deaf group asked, "How was it?" and we just shook our heads and mumbled 'not good' and things like that.

Then shijia went to a corner because she was about to laugh -facepalm- and finally someone said "just joking" and we all went crazy.

Me, lum and shijia flung our cue cards in the air and screamed and ran around hahaha goshh. Divika later said that she got a shock when we did that LOL. We also shredded up our cue cards and random pw stuff that Huiyi found in her bag haha. It really felt good tearing up those things, although now I feel bad for wasting paper

Then we hung around there until Ms wong came in to tutor them and chased us away.

Me, lum and sj went home to bathe and change, then we met for dinner at ikea! The food there really sucks now. I gave the salmon a try because the pasta I ate the previous time was gross, and even that was... meh. My dad can cook way better than that! Haha

Even the meatballs are substandard now. Should've just eaten a hotdog and ice-cream for dinner.

We walked around ikea :) took a lot of pictures and some funny videos which I might post later if I'm not feeling lazy.

Yesterday, I spent my morning doing my I&R, then lunched with my mom, and went home and bathed before going to meet Lum, Shijia, Khaliesah, Xinyi, Swieyang, Divika and Yunting to catch Skyfall! Xinyi and Swieyang watched Pitch Perfect instead, I didn't know :(

Would've gone to watch that with them instead!

Anyway Skyfall was not bad. Not really that impressive, but at least it was only $6. A lot of the scenes were pretty cliched. No spoilers here :)

Then me, Lum and Sj went to City Plaza to shop~ the clothes were ok. Saw a few that I liked but none that I really wanted to buy. Bought a pair of shorts!

I still want that sweater I saw at a shop in T3 :(( but it's like $50! Though the material feels good.

Pictures from wednesday below, excluding the ones from ikea because they all get jumbled up ugh.

BYE

~

Imagine living like a king someday

This Pierce The Veil phase is lasting a lot longer than I thought it would ahaha.

So today is my OP day. I get butterflies in my tummy everytime I think about it. Doesn't help that I'm the first speaker. I need to remember to speak slower and smile more and remember that 'gestures' is pronounced 'jest-churs' and not the way it looks.

Sooo nervous.

On a completely unrelated note, I am completely in love with that part in Bulls In The Bronx where Vic screams "murder the moment" hahaha.

Ok back to the topic. It's 9.41am right now and I'll have to be in school by 10.30am with muggers united and we will practice till 12.30pm where we'll have a briefing, then our real thing will about 2pm I think. Then after that I'm gonna go have a mini celebration with my girls hehe.

Then tomorrow till sunday I'll be chionging I&R, which is due monday. And then BOOOOM PW WILL BE OVER.

Unbelievable how fast this year has gone by. I know everybody says that, but really. It's just crazy.

Before you know it, it'll be christmas. My favourite festive season EVER. And gosh, how I dread chinese new year. I really do hate it. Ughhhh.

And then next year will be a tidal wave. I'm so scared :'(

I'd blog somemore but I think I'm going to be late for our 10.30am meeting haha

BYE

~

Can we create something beautiful and destroy it?

Been feeling extremely tired recently. It's like by 9pm I am ready to conk out already. Apparently I'm not the only one, Huiyi and Shijia have been experiencing the same thing :/

Maybe it's because we've all been sitting in front of a computer for hours these days, unlike those times when we were having the lecture-tutorial routine and it was just having to stare at a whiteboard.

Today I woke up at 7.50am and lay there in bed for a few seconds feeling like it was a saturday.

The exact thoughts that were running through my head: morning sky's so pretty... what shall I do today? hmm just a few minutes more of sleep... wait, is today really a sat- HOLY SHIT WHAT TIME IS IT

Perfect sitcom material. Unfortunately, that was real life :/

And I somehow managed to fly around the house and get ready in 15min , all the while mentally cursing myself for not making sure my alarm was working on the morning of my OP dry run.

I reached school around 8.30am, and thank God the side gate was open so I didn't have to make one big round to enter by the main gate.

The morning was spent going through our presentation with ms wong over and over again, and anxiously rehearsing our scripts. It's kinda funny seeing people walk around school talking to themselves with cue cards in their hands.

During break we gave the new stall another try but their food is still... meh.

Then we had OP briefing, and finally the dry run. I didn't realise how pressurising it is to be the first speaker until we actually began :/

Ms. Khaliesah was our dry run examiner, she was actually pretty lenient. I LOL-ed in the middle of the presentation when she unexpectedly turned to ms wong who was chewing mentos and asked "Can I have one?" hahaha ok it doesn't sound funny but it was at that time when the atmosphere was so tense

After dry run it actually felt as though the real thing was over hahaha I felt so high! Then we went to comlab, the guys left, and me, Huiyi and Sj recorded ourselves singing this japanese love song hahaha

Then we loitered around tamp1 and I got barcook buns and unknowingly ate 3. I thought I ate 2 until huiyi told me haha. The mushroom bun is great! But it was quite a fail bun because the bottom of it was too thin and all the yummy soup-like mushroom thing kept dripping out eurgh :(

Homed, then lazed around till now. I'm starting to kinda miss the lecture-tutorial routine haha although I know when it's back in place again I probably won't.

I also miss my bestie, miss us being desk partners and constantly annoying him. Stupz ali!! I pray for a miracle, that he gets to promote :'(

K off to find food. I regret not going grocery shopping for milk and my favourite cereal earlier.

BYE

~