Drawing on breath from the ashes

Hi.

Had chem CA in the morning and then math lecture on binomial distribution or something (didn't understand anything) then break then 1.5h econs tutorial (always so shagged after econs tutorial well at least I wasn't falling asleep today) then break again then chem tutorial then GP CA and finally we ended at 4pm.

Was also late for school for the 4th time this term and got my ez-link confiscated (and also forgot to retrieve it at GO after school so I spent a ton on transport) and will have to be suspended but who cares I'm going to school anyway.

Ended up over-spending today too, like 13 bucks excluding the amount spent on transport when I'm already broke as it is thanks to my rip-off online shopping :'(

In short, it's been a long day.

Surprised Jiams at Kem after school with Dt, Et and Yy ahaha belated birthday surprise but better than nothing! And 18 is so old omg. Glad I still have like 7 more months.

Came home and watched CSS till 9.30pm and voted 3 times for my classmate who's in the competition. Man chinese pop is really not my thing... but there were some good voices I guess.

Today is my off day. Work starts again tomorrow :( pretty behind for my chem tutorials and SAs are in 4 weeks, I am so so screwed.

Eye circles are terrible.

Good night everyone x

~

Six feet under the stars

Time to lay claim to the evidence
Fingerprints sold me out
But our footprints washed away from the docks downtown
It's been getting late for days
And I feel myself deserving of a little time off
We can kick it, hang for hours
And just mouth off about the world
And how we know it's going straight to hell
Pass me another bottle, honey, the Jaeger's so sweet
But if it keeps you around then I'm down

Meet on Thames Street, I'll take you out though I'm hardly worth your time
In the cold you look so fierce but I'm warming up
Because the tension's like a fire
We'll hit South Broadway in a matter of minutes
And like a bad movie I'll drop a line
Fall in the grave I've been digging myself
But there's room for two
Six feet under the stars


This song never gets old.

13 days to All Time Low, the excitement hasn't settled in yet but it's going to be so so so amazing.

The past week passed so fast, it's crazy. Probably cause the first few days were spent mugging for CAs. The best day of the week was definitely Thursday, my last CA is on monday so I met with Jiams and we had dinner at 18chefs and sat at a Starbucks table outside to lepak and talk about life. Discussed plans after 'A's haha and college life and just everything else.

I don't ever want to be an adult. I wish I could just stay a seventeen-year-old teenager forever and not venture out into the dangerous working world. I want to whine about school and tests and go around doing stupid things and laugh loudly and not get judged because I'm a teenager, I want to wear black t-shirts and look sloppy and not brush my hair, I want to still have the time and energy to play basketball and play guitar and whatever else it is that I want to do.

But most of all, I want to stay young.

Well anyway, speaking of ball, I played ball yesterday in the early afternoon at school yay. Feels like it's been such a long time since I last played ball. It was kind of awkward at first because all the other courts were packed and people were watching from the railings outside the canteen, but then we started playing match and it was so fun woohoo. Played with yiying, lecia, clarice and their classmate, I'm not quite sure how to spell her name I think it's Emilia (?)

Also played ball earlier in the morning with some classmates shijia, weiqiang, bryan, jinx and zi quan during our second half-hour break when we had nothing to do. Omg zq is a hidden talent he totally shot hoops like a pro I'm not even kidding.

Went home all sticky and smelly and showered, felt like sleeping after I came out. Did econs homework at night and really wanted to go have supper with BP but I was so tired I was going to crash anytime and they were going to simpang and I didn't feel like travelling though it's pretty near haha.

Going to mug outside later for my chem CA on monday. Five organic chem chapters plus Kinetics wuhhhh just kill me now. I don't even like organic chem ugh

Anyway I realised recently that it's quite true what's inside your wallet tells a lot about a person. Here's what's in mine

1. some cash
2. house key
3. Polaroid of T, L, Em, C, Kr and me
4. two Polaroids of me and L
5. a receipt
6. three guitar picks
7. Dropbeat Heartbeat's guitarist Matin's pick
8. GC warranty card
9. name card for band badge shop at FEP
10. $2 off voucher for some gelato shop
11. Pierce The Veil concert ticket
12. Starbucks card
13. NLB card
14. paper containing lyrics from don mclean's american pie

~

Back track baby back tracking never got you nothing

Tired.

Feeling kind of moody, I think it's a bit of post-concert blues, coupled with the fact that CAs are this week and I hate tests and exams of any sort (well who doesn't) I think I mentioned before that I love learning and I actually like to study but it's all this pressure to get good grades and ace tests and exams that makes me hate school, like really hate school. Every night before school I just wish I could stay home or do something else.

Today I woke up and just felt like I'd entered a really bad dream instead of real life because I remembered CAs were this week and I would have to spend the day revising. It's one of the worst feelings ever, it's not just a aw-man-I-don't-wanna-get-up-yet feeling, I just wanted to go back to sleep because I dreaded life. And I thought of the lyric nightmares no longer wait for sleep from the song one hundred sleepless nights.

Also, my legs hurt even more than they did yesterday, how is that even possible. I thought they were supposed to get better.

On the bright side, 17 days to All Time Low! Plus I'm seeing them with Christine. I just know it's going to be amazing.

On the other hand, I'm kind of sad because there'll be nothing left to look forward to after that. I think I'll develop a love-hate r/s with concerts. They make me so happy and so depressed at the same time.

If all else fails, I'll be a merch girl or a sound techie. Maybe then I'll be happy.

~

Bet you never had a Friday night like this

I could cry ok I spent like an hour typing out this great post this morning on the concert last night and I didn't save it freaking fishcake omg FREAAAK :'(((((((((

SOBBBBBBBBBB.

Ok no choice. Just gotta make do with my memory.

Last night was most definitely one of the best nights of my life, if not the best.

Jaime's stage presence omg. Newfound love for Jaime. He just had so much energy, jumping around and spinning with his bass and even going down to personally high-five the frontliners omg Jaime I love you. Vic's voice was perfection, I swear. How can anyone sound so amazing live? And Tony's riffs and headbanging. And Mike was beastly on the drums his epic facial expressions and energy omg I wish I could see more of him :'( I love Pierce The Veil so much.

If I'm not wrong this was the set list.

1. May These Noises Startle You In Your Sleep Tonight
2. Hell Above
3. Disasterology
4. Besitos
5. A Match Into Water
6. I'm Low On Gas And You Need A Jacket
7. Bulletproof Love
8. Hold On Till May
9. Caraphernelia
10. Bulls In The Bronx
11. King For A Day

I felt bad for the opening act actually cause everyone was just stoning during it. Initially the crowd was super hyped because the band opened with Let Love Bleed Red by Sleeping With Sirens which was just amazing, mainly because everyone was singing along and it's one of my favourite SWS songs.

After like half an hour of waiting while the crew set up (I saw their drum tech Casey he's quite cute in real life! haha) IT FINALLY BEGAN.

I was so so so happy that they started with May These Noises because I've always imagined it like that :') And then Vic started screaming the opening line and the crowd just went crazy. There was so much noise and everyone was pushing everyone in front. And just when I thought it couldn't get crazier, Hell Above started and everyone just went insane.

I was being moshed left to right right to left back to front and front to back. Couldn't stand straight, my feet were being trampled on (thank God I had good shoes on) and all I could see and feel were flashing lights and bodies. I'm not even exaggerating. Mosh pits are scary, at least to me. But then again, I don't even dare to go on roller coasters HAHA. #chicken

I was so scared I would get lost in the crowd! Couldn't even look around to find my friends (went with Jessica, Atiqa, Mistika, Charles and Shuqi) but I managed to find Mistika somehow and we just grabbed each other's hands and forced our way out of the mosh and got to the back, whew.

Cause this is a wasteland
My only retreat
With heaven above you, there's hell over me
The water is rusted
The air is unclean
And there for a second I feel free
Cause this is a wasteland
My only retreat

Hearing Disasterology live made my entire year. Yes I know it's a bit early to be saying that seeing as it's only February but I'm pretty sure nothing else this year is going to top that. It's one of my favourite songs in the whole wide world, when I'm tired after a long day and the opening riff plays on my headphones I just have to smile, at least internally. I love this song so much, and it was so beautifully played live. Bless them.

Can we create something beautiful and destroy it?
Nobody knows I dream about it
This is my imagination
If every living thing dies alone, what am I doing here
If every living thing dies alone
What am I doing here?

One song that hit me really hard that night (every song hit me hard though) was I'm Low On Gas And You Need A Jacket. It was PTV's first time playing it live omg so honoured. Vic played it acoustic-style on his electric and it was just beautiful. There were so many capture-it moments during that song, like how the crowd was just singing and moving along.

No, no more eyes to see the sun
You slide into bed while I get drunk
Slow conversations with a gun mean more than I've ever said to anyone, anyone

So keep in happiness and torture me while I tell you let's go in style
A million hooks around a million ways to die
Darling let's go inside
It'll be alright

But last night you said you ended up in Palm Springs dancing on tables
Almost fought some bitch at the club
Got kicked out of your hotel and lost your shoes well
Fuck what am I supposed to be, impressed?
You're just another set of bones to lay to rest
Guess it's time to say good night
Hope you had a really good time

Bulletproof Love was... just. No words to describe it. Hits so close to home, I think not just for me, but for nearly everyone that was there last night. And I will never forget how Vic held out the mic to us for the whole crowd to sing, "This isn't fair, no, don't you try to blame this on me, my love for you was bulletproof but you're the one who shot me."

I breathe you in with smoke in the backyard lights
We used to laugh until we choked into the wasted nights
It was the best time of my life but now I sleep alone
So darling don't, don't wake me up because my thrill is gone
(Say I'm wrong)
In the sunset turning red behind the smoke
Forever and alone

Me and Mistika were dying to hear Hold On Till May and when the intro riff played we just about screamed, as did everyone else. No words to describe this either, the riff itself gave me chills, and the words, and how Vic sang "Darling you'll be okay". Such a beautiful song.

And as the sun went down we ended up on the ground
I heard the train shake the windows, you screamed over the sound
And as we own this night I'll put your body to the test with mine
This love was out of control
3, 2, 1 where did it go?

I was so sad when Pierce The Veil said Bulls In The Bronx was going to be their last song, so I just went all out, jumping and singing every line and headbanging where appropriate. How I love the line "Murder the moment, my God I'm a serpent." I don't even know why. It's like my favourite part of the song next to the beautiful classical guitar solo and Vic's lines in the bridge after that.

Then they left, the stage was still dark and the crowd was all like "aw man" "that was an amazing show" "well played" "damn" and a group of people started chanting "King for a day, king for a day, king for a day" and everyone immediately picked it up too so soon the whole crowd was clamouring for PTV to come out and play one last famous song.

Then this weird music was playing, sounded like sirens and talking and noise, and everyone was quiet suddenly, like what was going on? It was so intense. And then the riff to King For A Day played and I swear we all just about died. I couldn't even believe my ears at that moment because I was so sure PTV wouldn't be playing that song since it's featuring Kellin Quinn who has big parts in it and Vic wouldn't be able to manage without him.

Then the band came out again and everyone cheered and yelled, and Vic told us to fill up Kellin's parts for him, and they played the song omg they played King For A Day.

Dare me to jump off of this Jersey bridge
I bet you never had a Friday night like this
Keep it up, keep it up let's raise our hands
I take a look up at the sky and I see red for the cancer
Red for the wealthy, red for the drink that's mixed with suicide
Everything red

Please won't you push me for the last time
Let's scream until there's nothing left
So sick of playing I don't want to anymore
The thought of you's no fucking fun
You want a martyr, I'll be one
Because enough's enough, we're done

So yep, amazing concert. So happy I went. Definitely worth every dollar, the minor bruises from the mosh pit, my entire aching body (everywhere aches I can't even find a body part that feels fine) and my sore voice.

Thank you Pierce The Veil for coming, you made my first concert ever an amazing experience, and I'll always be proud to say that I saw your first show in Singapore and that we were the first country you played Low On Gas to! I love each and every one of you, you're all incredibly talented, though you probably hear that every day.

Much love xx

~

All the stars on your ceiling, they glow but not for you

Pictures from cny eve (went to xinyi's house with lum sj nat swieswie shuxuan youyu and then went home for reunion dinner) and of my cny outfit (can't be bothered to really dress up) and of my super cute baby niece Emelyn.

So glad my family only goes visiting for one day so I have a two-day break now yay.

4 days to PIERCETHEVEIL OMG WHAT IS AIR.

~

Happy chinese new year!

As I burn another page, as I look the other way

I still try to find my place
in the diary of Jane.

Places that we will go

We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labour I'll slave till the end
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

Tired so so tired.

I've been feeling tired the whole day, especially my eyes, even though I slept at 11.30pm last night. That's my usual bedtime. Ugh

Oh yes, the coffee I had the other day totally put me off coffee, at least for a while now. I had 3 hours of sleep thanks to it, it was terrible. I couldn't even fall asleep even if I wanted to. Haha #weak

Plus we ended at 5pm today. Went to meet Jiams after that for dinner (2 plain 1 egg prata and iced milo YUM) and then slacked at the CC. The previous food place there got replaced by a nice cafe and they have books omg so many books and I found this book that looks really really nice and I wanted to borrow it so badly but it's not for rent nooooo. Guess I'll have to go back again soon to read it.

I groaned about being tired during break today and Dom casually mentioned that I may be burning out and I got alarmed. Like omg I don't wanna burn out in like February, that would just kill me. Maybe I really have been mugging too hard, even though I feel like I haven't.

So my plan for now is- to slack. I've been slacking ever since I got home, my backpack's just lying outside and I haven't even opened it. And I'm just gonna do some homework after class ends at 12.30pm tomorrow (thank God no cca) and maybe go to town to shop a little then go for our friday jamming sesh.

But problem is I really do have quite a bunch of things on my to-do list and CAs are coming up so soon. My first CA is like 3 days after PTV, if the post-concert depression doesn't hit me then the lack of revision will (I sound likka nerd)

Aiyahhhhhhh.

So anyway, C talked about being depressed in her latest post and I feel like I can totally relate to that, except when my random bouts of depression hit me I don't know where they come from.

Like some days I can feel like shit and all I'll want to do is go home and curl up in a corner of my room with my music. Or I can feel like crying for no reason at all.

Though I'm kinda glad to find out I'm not the only one who feels like that sometimes haha. Sorry not sorry

~

But we've had some times I wouldn't trade for the world

Mugged today at the airport with Lum! For about 6 hours excluding breaks, woohoo.

It's 12.38am and I'm still up when it's a monday. The start of the week. I have to be in school in 7 hours :(

11 days. I'll be seeing them next week Friday. I just. Don't really know how to put what I feel about that fact into words right now.

I had coffee today while we were mugging at the staff canteen. It was actually my first time having coffee outside other than Starbucks or Coffee Bean. And now I can't imagine why people choose to pay like 7 bucks for this deadly sweet cup of Starbucks when you can get a decent cup of about the same volume for 1.70.

I always pour a ton of milk into my Starbucks if I bring it home because it's just way too sweet. Yay for finally discovering the amazingness of cheap n good foodcourt coffee.

So yep that cup of coffee is what kept me up till now. I can feel it wearing off, gonna crash anytime soon.

Anyway I just realised earlier that my bandmates are all going off to NS next year. And that probably means very very occasional, or close to no jamming at all for the next two years.

And I just felt so. Like how am I going to survive the next two years? I'll just rot away and revert back to singing and playing guitar to my four walls.

And will we still be a band again when they come out? Maybe they'll find guys in NS that they can form a proper band with, and they'll decide that they don't need me anymore. I know a lot of people feel like they'll never be taken seriously if they have a girl in the band.

Ahhh I feel so insecure right now. Gotta stop thinking so much sometimes. Haha. Blame it on the hour now. I really should be turning in.

Oh and hi Christine! :)

good night all x

~

I spill my heart into this red cup

Pictures!

Cui selfie on a morning, the first phone I ever used, couple of pics from dearest Lianne's 18th birthday celebration, me and Sj at Tamp1 New Look after school, my bby Tony Perry, random pictures from class and of the J1s (a bunch of us J2s were spying from the hall's back window during break lolol) and of course, two of the amazing people who help me survive college. I'm so thankful for them, I think I would just rot away without them in 12S16, honest.

Can't believe I'm officially a college senior. Just sunk in when I saw the J1s come in yesterday. Still feels like just yesterday when I was 4"7 and running around barefooted in a playground.

~