Out of my reach.

I'm in a rotten mood right now so you probably shouldn't read this. I would talk to someone if I could, instead of blogging about it, but writing helps me so much sometimes. I finally experienced how heartbreak feels like. I never believed in it actually, but now I do. It feels like everything inside of you is crashing, and the worst pain radiates from your chest; it's not sharp, but it aches, and it hurts, and you feel like you can't breathe. Like someone is holding your heart in their fist and squeezing, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. The tears won't come either, so all you can do is sit there and feel the pain inside of you, and it's like it won't ever leave. Maybe it's a silly reason, but right now I could really care less; I just need to rant. All along, this was where it came from; this was what made me want to be better, and what pushed me to do my best. But I guess I'm jinxed, time and time again my hopes just go up, then come crashing down again. I have everything, yet I have nothing. Suddenly I realised this was it; that all my fears were coming true, just like they always do, and I'd been so happy for nothing. I have everything some people dream of, yet losing this breaks my heart. Now I feel like there's nothing left. What's going to happen now? Will things get better? Someone please tell me. And what do I do now? Ugh. I hate this. Emo. ~